[Warning: This blog post consists of some rambles and vents, but I stand behind it.]
You should not HAVE to lose weight to have a baby. I am in a few trying to conceive (TTC) groups and the number one things I read are weight loss hopeful posts. “Doc says I need to lose X before they’ll give me any meds to help with ovulation/fertility”. “What are the best diets to lose pounds FAST?" “Doc says I should get gastric bypass before I have a baby.” EXCUSE ME, WHAT?! That last one I’ve read and heard said to me from other fat friends. Their doctor advised them to get gastric bypass in order to have a baby. Okay, no. Unfortunately, there are lot of fat phobic providers and it’s super frustrating.
I am not saying you shouldn’t be healthy to have a baby. I’m saying that you being healthy shouldn’t have to do with you losing X amount of weight.
Want to know something else I read and observe in my groups? Women who have lost weight and still are not pregnant. So, why do I need to lose weight to get help if there’s no guarantee that it will even work? There needs to be more providers willing to help the fat community have babies if they want them. Fat people have healthy, strong babies EVERY DAY. Stop telling us we can’t have babies because we’re fat. Stop it.
Vulnerable moment: My husband and I have been trying to have another baby for about two years now. Not a lot of people know, but I also am transparent about it. We started trying when our youngest was almost a year and a half. We wanted to have a child that was close to his age like our two oldest are. I got pregnant with my first the day we got married, my second was fairly easy as well, and my third wasn’t much different. So, when we started trying for the fourth, we weren’t expecting this outcome. I started joining groups for people trying to conceive and about 15 months into it, I finally went to the doctor.
We did labs and I wanted to find out what was going on with my body. It turned out that I was insulin resistant and had PCOS. It was a shock, but I thought it would be something as simple as getting a vitamin and being on my merry way to create the last member of our family. I was wrong. Turns out PCOS is no joke (not that I thought it was). I started reading up on it, I joined groups about it and groups with other birthing people wanting to figure out how to have a baby with PCOS. I learned that it’s next to impossible to lose weight with PCOS (wish I’d known this so my younger self wouldn’t have felt like a failure when she was engrossed in diet culture). I also learned that there are different types of PCOS. You can have cysts on your ovaries or not. You can be insulin resistant or not. So. Much. Information.
So, back to the weight piece. It’s not easy to lose weight with PCOS. But, guess what most doctors tell you when you’re trying to conceive with PCOS? Lose weight. What, seriously? You want me to lose weight when it’s hard to do with this diagnosis…? Seriously? I was put on meds to help with my insulin resistance with the added benefit that “A lot of people on this drug lose weight”. Guess what, doc? I wasn’t trying to lose weight in the first place.
I have a very long journey with my weight and self love. It’s traumatic and beautiful and it’s my story that I’ve finally started telling. I am in recovery for an eating disorder and I no longer feel like “fat” is a bad word. I am fat. I am totally okay with that adjective. Anyway, having to feel like I need to lose weight to have a baby was not conducive to my recovery.
You want to know something else? I may blow your mind a little here…but, you can be FAT and be HEALTHY. Whoa, right? According to society standards, healthy is synonymous with thin or skinny. I am on the road to health and being fat. I am thankful for my ED recovery in helping me with this goal.
As a Doula and as someone going through secondary (or fourth) infertility, I am trying to advocate for fellow fat people. We deserve care just like our counterparts. To sum it all up, you should be able to have a baby if you’re fat or large without having to lose weight.
